Monday, January 14, 2013

todays JEWELS!

I learned today that the way you treat God will reflect in how you treat yourself.  God is way more important than you, and if you refuse to give him certian things, you will surely find yourself not giving those things to yourself.  God should come first and foremost so that you can have a pattern for how to treat everything else in your life, including yourself!

I also am not impressed with blonde hair anymore even though people like Chef Ahki make it look SOOO dern beautiful!

Being friends is more than lauging and having a good time.  It's actually another type of relationship that you have to maintain and work on.  It will also bring things out in yourself that you need to work on.  I honestly don't really have any friends but that's because I haven't put work into any platonic relationship.  I hope at some point I will be ready to allow some friends into my life.

My edges are really thinning, and I really need to do something about it.  Now I have all this length and my edges are thinning.  Go figure.

I wear makeup for myself, to give myself the image of beauty I see in society around me.  However I am starting to think this super cute look is not what I want other's to see me as.  I think it gives people the wrong impression of me.  I appear superficial, shallow, and fake.  (just a little)  I love being cute because people treat you nicer when they think you're pretty.  But on the other hand i want deeper relationships than people who enjoy looking at me.  Not to mention that although I like blush, people tend to think I have some sort of rash on my cheeks.  hmph.

Adults amaze me at their inability to communicate.  Even people on TV!  They're good at talking, but not communicating.  It's sad.  If they just sat down and calmed themselves for a second and tried to think about what they mean, and how to get that across, so many araguements and disagreements wouldn't even exist.  smh.

Having a baby makes life very dirty.

Sometimes when love finally makes it's long awaited appearance, there's nothing you can do about it.  There's such a nice young gentleman at work who is soooo dateable and cute, but I'm just not interested.  Not cuz of him but cuz of me.  My life is so messed up right now, dating would just complicate things. too bad.  I could have just trusted in God and just waited.  It felt like forever then, but it really wasn't that long.

Guess that's enough jewels for the day!

Wednesday, November 7, 2012



It's like a curse word among African Americans, but it's true!  


Don't get me wrong, I'm thrilled that Obama's president.  Not only because he's black and it's just a way of sticking it to people who think blacks cannot achieve anything, but also because Romney scares me more than Pee Wee Herman standing in line to see the same movie as I.

At some point, I'm going to die, and at some point I believe I'm going to have to answer to my maker for the decisions I have made.  

My state is a blue state and it was going to go for Obama either way, all the political pundits knew this, so I figured this as well into my decision.  My vote was just going to be one drop in the bucket of millions upon millions who were contributing for the few electoral votes our state is allowed.  CT has my mental and spiritual support, but physical... not so much.

What decisions are we making here though?  Although I believe the road we have taken is already too far gone to make any real changes, I do not agree with the Elephant Donkey circus politics soap opera that we are playing on television.  What is happening is nothing more than a modern soap opera for those jaded by the bold and the beautiful type acting, if you can even call it that.

I know, I know, I'm starting to sound like a conspirator here.... but maybe I am.  I do not think that Obama is maliciously doing ANYTHING to our country.  But do I believe there is a thick web of deceit and complicated coverups that go back before my birth.  Yes.  I think it is going to take serious long looks into our history, our policies, our procedures, our media, etc. for the U.S. to turn itself around and get on the right track. IDK, this article is a tiny shot in the dark of the abyss that is the U.S. Gov't, but I guess I wanted to finally stand up for a little of what I believe in.

I didn't vote because I do believe it is my responsibility to vote, but I am also going to be held accountable for the vote I place to my children and to my God.  I didn't vote because although I'm tickled by his presidency I do not co-sign with every one of his decisions, like for instance the decision to sign into law the act stating the american gov't has the right to indefinitely imprison any person in the U.S. without reason.  No.  I don't agree with that.  At the time I didn't agree with the bank bailout.  I've since changed my mind, but when it happened I was upset.  I don't want to have to answer to God for the decisions of this man.

Don't, however, take this as my consent to right-wing-ism.  I am NOT REPUBLICAN.  I do like some of their beliefs but the fact that racists feel comfortable sitting in their party is something that is impossible for me to support, and I'd also like them to answer for. Obama may not be someone I co-sign for but Romney is the anti-christ's cousin.  I probably would have searched for other countries that would accept me as a citizen if Romney won. Obama may not be perfect but make no mistake, Romney is a nose dive to the 6th level of hell.

ALSO (vent coming) Christian evangelicals in the media should be accosted for the manner in which they handled this election.  They lost all bearing and appeared disgustingly racist this election.  Allowing non christians to confuse God with hate.  The stupidity that appeared is sad and embarrassing, I'm sure angels around the world hid their faces.  Many christians lost their edge with Mitt.  That man is no christian, so how do you support him saying he has your beliefs?  HE'S A PAGAN!  And a pagan is a pagan!  If you didn't want Obama in office because he's "MUSLIM," and therefore non-christian, how in THE WORLD DO YOU SUPPORT ANOTHER NON-CHRISTIAN IN HIS PLACE?!  I'm disgusted.  Have a backbone and be consistent.  When Mr. Graham changed Mormonism in his web site from cult to non cult just for this election I think that solidified the doubt I have for his leadership qualities in my mind, not to mention his past.  ARRRRGGGGHHHHHH HYPOCRITES!!!!!!! #idigress

I have thought out my position.  I support the cause, I love being black, but I question where we are going as a country, even with a black man as the leader.  I don't blame blacks for voting for Obama because he is black, I rooted for OJ Simpson too!  I do not feel accepted by the republican party but I don't fully support democratic beliefs.  I do not automatically see gayness on par with being black.  I'm pro choice but to a point.  Maybe I'm more independent.  Either way the next time I vote it will be because I totally believe and support 100% the political stance.  I'm sorry. (P.S. I also secretly hoped for Ron Paul - ooooooo!!! There!  I said it!!!!)

Please don't hate me.

Thursday, April 12, 2012

x husband

My first xhusband is sneekily trying to get back with me.

I'm so shocked he didn't think I would figure it out! I told him the day that I left that if he let me leave, I would never come back.

So now year later he plots with a friend to trick me into meeting up with him and hanging out?

Why are men so fickle? Don't they understand divorce is not a game. It's serious. Once you make that decision to leave a woman you'd better be sure that the decision is a good one because once it's over it's over.

My life is not your game!

Anywho, I'm extremely forgetful lately. I hope it'll stop. It's starting to affect my daily life...

Musings for the day...

Are republicans serious?

Why do people cut you off when driving? They only end up immediately in front of you.

Why do I have to shave my legs?

Rachael Maddow is the queen of OWNING people.

Why can't we get medical procedures done in mexico? Do you think Mexicans tell their citizens not to go to america because we're poor and our medical procedures are sub par? But sometimes they are.

I propose we re-open the underground railroad. I just don't know where it will lead to because ALL of america seems to be hostile to us lately. Maybe we can run for our freedom to cancun. Why didn't the slaves run to mexico instead of north...

Going to NYC with a stroller and an infant is the third level of hell.

Babies make such cute noises.

Men who fail to be men cannot raise men.

HGTV can be really interesting.

If we're all ugly without makeup then what is the true standard of beauty?

Why are evangelicals so concerned with making God look crazy?

Even if you spend $1,000 on an item once it's old, it's just old.

A lady on Bravo TV said that women start to wear flip flops and no makeup because they no longer care. Why didn't I get this memo?

LA looks so much better on TV.

Saturday, March 31, 2012


SOOOO! I decided to go with a new style AND a new color. I was reading up on sisterlocks and discovered that they flat iron their locks, so i decided to do the same for mine, and color it red! So here it is!!!!! My red color and flat ironed bangs. I love my new style now and think I will keep it for a few years. It's beautiful but it also has meaning to me now. I think it gives breath to my old hairstyle because it was getting stale. So this summer will be my 4 yr anniversary? Something like that. I will check to be sure.

Now, I feel like I'm getting to the point where I'm
happy with my locs. I am feeling satisfied with the length and the shape and the hang of them. Even the smell of them. When I first started with the locs I was obsessed with them; picking, preening, grooming, rolling, curling, cutting.... Every single day. I was constantly check them, comparing them with others the thickness and the length esp the length. I blogged as a way of dealing with the obsession and helping others.

Now I don't feel the need to do that anymore. But I guess I will continue... I can't wait until it's bra strap length, no it's still not there yet. I see now that it takes YEARS to get there.

I haven't at all talked about the abuse or anything thing else that I have gone through on here but let me say that when that guy cut my dreads it hurt everyday to see that. It also reminded me every day of what a man can do to you. So now I am not really needing a boyfriend anymore. Not that I ever did, but I really wanted one, and now I no longer do. A bf would be cool, but not to have one is just a cool because now I know they can really do a lot of damage and wreak havoc on your life! #Notworthit
So a new problem that I have discovered in my

dreadlock travels is that they are really hard to dye! I cannot get the color right. I wanted to bring the red closer to my head and it did NOT work. I ended up almost getting a total bleach blonde on the Left side of my head and it barely turned a color at all on the right side. You can't tell because I purchased a black rinse and put it on my roots so it wouldn't look weird. It takes a lot of dye to make my hair red, and sometimes it doesn't stick. I like the color but I would definitely like it to be more consistent, and maybe even a little more red. Either way, I like my new color and plan on sticking with it for at least a year. However I have no tips except have a professional do it. And if you don't keep a bottle of your natural hair color as a rinse just incase you end up with marylin monroe blonde. A bottle of black or dark brown and no one's the wiser. Good luck in your hair travels!

Monday, December 5, 2011

So I'm getting a little depressed regarding my hair and let me tell you why...

I have just finally reached over 3 years. I'm getting nice length to it as well however-

I used to be married to an abusive man.

The divorce will be final, GOD willing, this month. But on top of everything, he cut my hair. I was trying to get away from him, he told me to stay on the bed, and me being me, I got up and tried to rush past him out of the room. We struggled a little and he got me on the ground.

He was sitting on top of me, took a fist full of my locks and snip, snip, snip.

That was it for the front of my hair. Now, what I call bangs. lol. It was sooo short in the beginning. It was all I could do to just keep them locked up and not become an afro again. I had to retwist almost every time I washed. Now they are locking and growing back out. But now that my hair is reaching my shoulders my "bangs" are sticking out right at the front of my head!

Now this is the length where I'm supposed to be enjoying my length and doing new hairstyles and I can't because the front is just out of control!

I just don't know what to do. And it makes dreads look bad because the back is all neat and the front looks like I just lost my mind. I'm just praying it will get a little more length by the time the summer comes. ugh.

So what do you guys think I should do? any style suggestions?

Friday, July 15, 2011

Havent posted in a while...

Havent posted in almost a year so I guess I could give a catch up of what I'm doing. Here's a lobster tail style that I got from Kalia-dewdrop. (love her dreds)
My dreds are about 3 years old now. I love them to death. I have to be honest with you though, I get so insecure when I hear people talking about interlocked locks and how they are "not right" and they are taking them out to get sisterlocks. It makes me look at my dreds in the mirror and go, well I guess they are worth taking out... Or they're ugly, not right...

I DON'T KNOW! But the only thing is when I look at them in the mirror I really can't see much of a difference. They are much thicker at the bottom but that's because I started them with braids. So the braids shrunk up a lot. So I know that is going to be a part of my dreds until I cut them off.
Then I see people with sisterlocks and honestly people complain and complain of the time it takes to get them redone, the amount they have and the strength of their dreds. I listen to them and think, shoot! I need to keep mine! I don't even like to finish all of mine, I just have to many I know I have just under 500 and that's just overwhelming sometimes.

I encouraged my mother to get the actual sisterlocks. You can definitely see a difference but the difference is so minute it really doesn't matter. The difference between my dreds and sisterlocks looks like less than a 1\4 of an inch. per dred. Plus my mom and I have the same number of dreds! And hers are sisterlocks. I must admit however the parting is way better on the sisterlocks. But these are braidlocks. I went online and bought the instruction manual for 30 bucks and never paid a dime more. I'm doing it all myself so it's absolutely free. I know sisterlocks are beautiful, I know they are better, but at the end of the day my hair is clean, fresh, and MY HAIR! I hope all who choose go some sort of natural route. Any way is better than perms. But c'mon ladies we buy enough labels. Are we going to label our hair too?!